This post is 1054 Words, a 6-minute read. Hope you enjoy it and find it useful.
We've all heard the old saying
Intuitively, we all know this to be true. But my question has always been, HOW?
I've learned that comparison is the starting point but perspective is how it ebbs your joy away.
What I mean is I can compare myself to professional athletes around my age or doing incredible things. However, that doesn't steal my joy. Because I know I never had the physical attributes to be at that level. It's when I meet people who are just as normal as I am that my joy starts to erode.
By all accounts, things are pretty good in my life. My Family is doing well. I work at a job I enjoy. I get paid pretty well (although I could always use more dollars. INFLATION IS REAL). So many things to be grateful for. Yet, every once in a while I feel inadequate. I feel like a failure. Why?
Because I compare myself to people who are my age or younger and seemingly have nothing special about them. Yet, they seem to have figured out everything in life, at least financially. They have built extremely successful businesses doing the same things that I do except at a higher and better level. They have all the things that I want in my life:
The ability to spend money and not even think twice about it.
The freedom to go anywhere at any time (even though I don't like to travel. The idea just sounds nice.)
The opportunities to speak in public about personal finance and investing.
Support family members without a second thought. (I don't know if they do this but at least I assume they do).
Donate to causes they believe in at a grander scale.
The opportunity and choice to retire early if they wanted to
People always say being around highly motivated and successful people is extremely inspiring because you realize they are no different from you. Problem is that realization comes at a cost. It comes from a switch in perspective. It forces you to question yourself.
A quote I love is "Happiness is the result of realistic expectations."
So the obvious follow-up question is, What are realistic expectations?
Well, Realistic Expectations are things based on the reality in front of us. For example, I would be living in a fantasy if I thought I could be a professional soccer player. A realistic expectation is I can play pickup soccer matches on Saturday mornings.
But here's the problem, this is based on my perspective. If I were to meet someone who was the 1 in 100 that made it to the pros as a normal dude. All of a sudden my realistic expectations can begin to change. My perspective on life begins to evolve. There's a saying that exceptions to the rule, prove the rule. Not the other way around. But it is so easy for us to base expectations on the exceptions. To believe we are the 1 in 100.
This is exactly what I did after meeting a few people that were exceptions to the rule around content creation. These are people with millions of followers in the Finance niche. They've been able to parley their content creation and ability to hold the attention of the public to business opportunities, speaking engagements, investment opportunities, etcetera. These people completely broke my perspective.
I like to say, "It's one thing to know, it's another thing to know KNOW."
Meaning, although I can understand something rationally. It's completely different to experience that thing.
Although, I knew these guys and gals were no different from me. It was different meeting them in person and seeing they really were no different from me. It totally broke my worldview. All of a sudden, all the things that I had worked to get to my current level and I was happy achieving, were not good enough.
I needed more.
So now when I'm asked how's life? I answer I don't know. Because I feel incomplete, inadequate, and a borderline failure. Because I haven't accomplished the things I want to accomplish that are on the level of those guys.
This is how I felt until I reread Morgan Housel's “Psychology of Money”, particularly Chapter 3 Never Enough. The key point he shares is that it will never be enough. There will always be more to attain and achieve. Especially when we start looking outside of ourselves or we get exposed to more. A key excerpt that stuck in my mind is a story he told:
The point is that the ceiling of social comparison is so high that virtually no one will ever hit it. Which means it’s a battle that can never be won, or that the only way to win is to not fight to begin with - to accept that you might have enough, even if it’s less than those around you.
A friend of mine makes an annual pilgrimage to Las Vegas. One year, he asked a dealer: What games do you play, and what casinos do you play in? The dealer, stone-cold serious, replied: "The only way to win in a Las-Vegas casino is to exit as soon as you enter."
That's exactly how the game of trying to keep up with other people's wealth works, too.
This one story shock me and woke me up. If my goal is to match and keep up with people, I will forever lose and feel inadequate. So then the question becomes what do I do with the very human tendency towards comparison? Do I close myself off and dive into the belief that Ignorance is BLISS?
I said at the beginning that Perspective is the tool Comparison uses to steal away our joy. The irony is Perspective is also the tool we can use to restore and increase our joy.
In my situation, rather than looking at how far behind, I am when compared to others. I can look at the opportunities ahead of me and where I could possibly be when compared to others.
A second question must be asked. Do I even want the same things or does it just seem enticing?
This provides an even more in-depth perspective to help level the playing field of my mind. It forces me to decide what I actually want rather than just reaching for everything I see. It focuses me on my own goals, not just nice-sounding goals.
This way I never fall into the trap of Risking what I have for what I don't need. This does not mean I will not challenge myself to push for more. It just means I will be more mindful of my choices.
Thanks for reading
Remember, Generosity>greed
🤞🏾