The face everyone makes when I mention the words "Personal Finance" to anyone. People look at me like I'm an alien or have 3 eyes.
Or they instantly want to change the subject.
Honestly, I cannot fault them. The world (mainly the financial industry) has turned money into a confusing, abstract thing that elicits fear and shame. Everyone feels like they should know do and know more. But they are also afraid because the topic is not made very approachable.
Well, today all of that ENDS!
This post is to answer some of the essential money questions. By no means, is this a be-all-end-all. However, this is a great starting point if you have no idea what the BIG IDEAS are to win with your money.
You might have seen that header and asked yourself, "What the hell do my feelings have to do with money? I came to this post because it says EVERYTHING I NEED TO KNOW ABOUT MONEY, not this Millennial Zoomer Snowflake nonsense about emotions."
Oh, you didn't ask yourself that?
Maybe it's just me who had that reaction the first time I heard someone mention the importance of understanding our feelings about money. Now 3 years later, I can see the importance of paying attention to our feelings because it helps us better understand ourselves and enables us to reach the financials we may have.
A few questions for you:
Did you have financial goals last year?
If yes, were you able to do them?
Why or Why not?
These are a few diagnostic questions I ask myself every year. It helps me to point to the reason for success or failure. I have narrowed most of my failures and successes to two reasons: Systems and Emotions. Let me explain:
Systems
There is an old Marine saying, "We don't rise to the level of our expectations; we fall to the level of our training."
Another way to say this is:
We don't rise to the level of our motivation or expectations. WE fall to the level of our systems.
When I fail to achieve a goal, it’s usually because I either didn’t set up effective systems or wasn’t even aware of the systems I needed to succeed.
Typically, this is where we spend 99% of our time and energy: learning better ways to do things. However, this is just a part of the solution needed to achieve our goals.
Emotions
Unlike systems, emotions are ethereal and hard to pin down and hold in place. They are difficult to analyze with facts and numbers, so we often don’t think to reflect on them. However, emotions infiltrate everything we do because we are emotional beings. They are always playing a role in the background, driving us toward our needs and desires.
However, it works on the negative side too. Our emotions can betray us and cause us to fail, and we would never know. This is why it is important that we understand ourselves. I am not saying we live by our emotions but rather we understand them and then make good decisions without being sabotaged.
I have seen this play out in my life over and over again. I will tell someone I want something but then act counter to that idea. A perfect example of this was last year. I kept telling my then fiancée now wife (I have an obligation to say wife at least once every post lol) that I wanted to visit my sister since she had moved to DC.
However, I always found some excuse why I could not buy the plane ticket to go see her. The excuses always sounded the same. Something along the lines of, “I can't afford it right now. I need to save more money in my emergency fund. BLAH BLAH BLAH.”
The reality was:
I had more than enough money saved in my emergency fund.
I even had a travel fund with more than enough money to buy the ticket.
I had not looked up how much the ticket would cost but assumed it must be expensive.
My natural fear and anxiety around money caused me to make decisions that were taking away the things that I say bring me joy. It took conversations with my fiancée (now wife 😜) to free my mind enough to realize that I was in a great position.
Thankfully, I listened to her and went on the trip. I surprised my sister on her birthday. It was an amazing time with my sister. The best part of the trip was going to a suya spot. I literally walked to that spot every day to enjoy the delicacy. I brought some back home with me.
Suya is a Nigerian delicacy. It is smoked meat. Similar to a kabob but way spicier and way better.
Now I have plans to go back with my wife for another visit. But most importantly, I got to celebrate my sister and spend time in her presence.
I could have missed out on all that because of the emotions my Money Scrips were creating.
Money scripts are the stories we tell ourselves about our finances. They provide a great starting point for understanding our emotions around money. Typically, this understanding begins with events from our past. As the old saying goes, "Our past shapes our present, and our present shapes our future."
A way to know your money scripts is to take this quiz. According to the quiz, I have a high money focus and vigilance.
Money Focus means I believe money is the key to solving my problems. However, I also believe there can never be enough money. This drives a never-ending pursuit of money over anything else.
Money Vigilance means I pay close attention to my financial health and am very focused on saving for the future. However, that high focus on the future can lead to a lot of anxiety and fear preventing from enjoying the benefits of all the good financial health.
Understanding our emotions tells us where we are. But as my pastor says, "Emotions are great at telling you where you are but a horrible way to make decisions." Just because I feel a way does not make it a reality.
This is why it serves as a prequel to Everything You Need to Know About Money. We are about to create new stories and scripts that will enable and empower us to move toward our financial and life goals.
Next week, we continue with the First Part of what we need to know about money. It is asking a simple question, “WHAT DO I WANT?!”
Recommendation Section
Doug and Heather in "No, we will not ski with you." talk about the pressures we face from friends and families to spend money in the ways that don't align with what we want. It is great read as the year begins and we will face a ton of these pressures in a ton of ways.
Barry Ritholtz in The Book of Genesis: Wall Street Edition used ChatGPT to write a hilarious story of how the market and the economy was created. All investing nerds will love the story.
Blair duQuesnay in Aparigraha, talks about the important of being able to let go of things and practicing non-attachment. I believe it is a great read as we start 2025.
Nick Maggiulli in The Things You Can't Buy, writes about all the ways we chase after money but miss out on the most important things in life. He also makes an awesome announcement.
Johnathan Clements in Advice For The Kids, gives some of the best financial advice for us youngins in bite-sized form that I've ever seen
Some of the best life questions to ask ourselves, are posed by Morgan Housel in I Have A Few Questions.
There are hidden costs in almost everything we choose to purchase. Doug and Heather Boneparth have a series covering many of them. The latest topic is on Holidays
🎙️Two podcasts I love:
50Fires. It is by Carl Richards, a recovering Financial Planner and Advisor. He could help other people with their finances but had a difficult time talking about money with his wife and children. It has quickly become one of my most anticipated podcasts to listen to every week.
Money For Couples by Ramit Sethi. Ramit is no one new to the world of money and personal finance. In his podcast, he talks with couples about their finances and helps them better enjoy their money or better get aligned. This is very important podcast for me as I enter a new stage of life.
