"Don't go expecting Plato's Republic; be satisfied with even the smallest progress, and treat the outcome of it all as unimportant."
-Marcus Aurelius
This post is 1,295 words, about a 6 min read. Enjoy!
I went for dinner at my Pastor's house. I forgot what we ate but I just remember that I really enjoyed the meal his wife made. I told her I really liked it and asked for seconds she was shocked but also happy.
I stayed a bit longer talking and just enjoying their company. His kids are so cute. When I was leaving, I told her again that I loved the meal. She replied, "Kelechi, you are far too easily impressed." I didn't understand why she said so but I've heard those same words from other people in different settings. Then I read this article from Morgan Housel called Expectations and Reality, and it had a story about Stephen Hawking:
In 2004 the New York Times interviewed Stephen Hawking, the late scientist whose motor-neuron disease left him paralyzed and unable to talk since age 21.
Apparently in a good mood, the Times asked Hawking: “Are you always this cheerful? Seriously, how do you keep your spirits up?”
“My expectations were reduced to zero when I was 21,” Hawking said. “Everything since then has been a bonus.”
We have all experienced something similar. We meet people every day who are in seemingly worse situations in life but yet they appear and usually are happier than we are. If you were as bold as the person who interviewed Stephen Hawking to ask, "How can you be so happy despite what is happening?" I expect they will give you the same answer as Stephen Hawking.
It dawned on me that the reason I enjoyed the meal so much was:
I was hungry and the food was actually good
I did not expect much except for a good time with good people
My expectations were far exceeded upon entering the house. My Pastor was cool and relaxed. The kids were fun. The atmosphere was joyful. So at that point, the food was a BONUS to the already great time I was enjoying.
Expectations play a big role in our disappointments or our happiness.
Two people can have exactly the same experience but one person will be on the moon and the other person will be at the bottom of the ocean.
Our expectations are shaped not just by our own desires but also by what we read, watch, and listen to. It is also shaped by our families, our friends, and society.
But I believe the biggest way our expectations are shaped today, is through social media.
Here are two examples of how our expectations have massively changed because of our daily intake of media:
In 1980, the average home size was 1,595 square feet. In 2018, the average home size was 2,386 square feet.
However, household sizes have been declining since the 1940s.
It is expected that houses will be even larger due to the post-pandemic increase in remote work.
In 1940, the average wedding cost $6,000 (in today's dollars). In 2013, the average wedding cost $30,000.
The cost has ballooned from 25% of household income to more than 50% of household income.
Post-Covid those prices are rising, as inflation has spiked in the last three years.
How did this happen?
Very simple.
Our expectations have completely changed.
With the rise of HGTV, what was once a “nice to have” or considered luxury has become must-haves and basics. Zillow released a study showing the must-haves to sell a property for more than expected. It included:
She-Shed (was this a thing before the State Farm commercial?)
Professional Kitchen Appliances (we all know the microwave is the only thing that will be used)
Steam oven (fancy microwave)
Pizza oven
Quartz textured countertop (granite is now too common)
We went from wanting open-floor plans to wanting professional appliances. The only way we learned about these things is through the information we consume which passively instructs us on what we should desire.
For weddings, it is very simple. We see what influencers post as the perfect weddings. We see what celebrities do for their weddings. Then we aspire to do the same. There is a saying that goes something like, "What the rich buy today, is what will be popular tomorrow." This leads to what we see our friends able to do at their weddings and we base our expectations on that.
By no means are any of these things inherently bad. All these things can be a great addition to a home or a wonderful ceremony.
However, the problem is when we set these as our baseline expectations but then the expectations are not met. One of the most joyous days of our life quickly becomes a massive disappointment. We focus on all the things we could not have and forget all the things we do have.
So then what do we do?
I believe we need to lower our expectations because I believe low expectations lead to a lifetime of happiness.
Here’s HOW
"Don't go expecting Plato's Republic; be satisfied with even the smallest progress, and treat the outcome of it all as unimportant."
-Marcus Aurelius
Plato's Republic is an Ideal world. Where things work as intended. But we do not live in an ideal world. We live in a broken world. If you want a lifetime of happiness approach the world for what it is not what you wish it to be.
This means we do not go around expecting life to be fair or things to go as planned. Do not expect that we will be able to have everything we desire or do what we see others being able to do. We must become comfortable with the idea of trade-offs. We have to determine what are the core things that really matter and rest on those things.
This is massive for our finances because as Morgan Housel said "If your expectations grow faster than your income you’ll never be happy with your money no matter how much you accumulate."
This leads to the second way to lower or adjust our expectations:
"Appreciate Your position while plotting your promotion."
-Jalen Rose
The only way we ever experience happiness in this life is to be grateful for what we do have. Having lower expectations does not mean that we are not ambitious or that we do not aim for the finer things in this life. Life is to be enjoyed to the fullest. But we must learn as Paul said:
I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.
Philippians 4:11-13
We must learn to do without the luxuries of life but still have joy in our lives. When we enjoy the mundane day-to-day life, it leads to more pleasant surprises and more exciting moments.
Cause in the end all we really want is moments of exhilaration. We all want the feeling of surprises.
So wouldn't it be better to live life in such a way that you get those celebratory moments every day?
Generosity > greed
✌🏾
Recommended Reads
Morgan Housel, Mental Liquidity. Having the ability to change your mind is a very needed but difficult skill especially when that belief becomes part of your identity.
Ben Carlson, Ultimate Level of Wealth. I love the breakdown of the different levels of wealth: No Debt Stress, No Restaurant Price Stress, and No Vacation Cost Stress.