This post is 506 words, a 3-minute read. Enjoy!
My Fiancée and I have these tiffs every so often. It goes something like this:
Fiancée: Man, I have to spend $200 to get my hair done for this wedding.
Kelechi: Well, you are choosing to spend $200 to get your hair done for the wedding.
Fiancée: Don't start with your nonsense.
Kelechi: I mean I am just saying blah blah blah blah....
Fiancée has now tuned out Kelechi.
Key Takeaway: Know when to stop talking. I am learning this slowly and the hard way.
I believe the number 1 thing every single person wants is to Feel in Control of their life.
That conversation with my fiancée might seem tiny and irrelevant but it is the difference between the feeling in control of life and the feeling that life is happening to us.
The slight difference between those two sentences is significant in our life outlook. Our belief that we "HAVE TO" do something versus "CHOOSE TO" do the thing, frames us either as the Victim or as the Hero of our story.
One mentality gives us the control we desire, putting us firmly in the driver's seat. The other removes choice from our hands and tells us to just go along for the ride.
It is the reason we are willing to pay $30 for parking for a concert we want to see but freak out when we get a parking ticket for $30. One feels more like a willing choice we made, even though we may prefer not to pay for parking. The other feels forced upon us, even though it costs the same.
This is why we all hate being in debt so much. It is because we no longer get a choice on how to direct our money. We feel like our choices are being taken away from us. Hence the beautiful quote from Kent Nerburn, "Debt defines your future, and when your future is defined, hope begins to die."
However, there is a cost to being the Hero. It means everything is on us. It means we are responsible for whatever happens. I like to say, "It may not be my fault, but it is my responsibility." This is a heavy weight to carry and a bitter pill to swallow. We get to be the driver and call the shots, but it means we cannot blame anyone else.
This is where most of us decide to hop off the Hero mindset.
As much as we may want the freedom to make our choices; we also do not want the responsibility and consequences that come with that. Therefore, most of us choose to allow life to happen to us. So we can always have someone else to point to.
The irony is even when we think we are not choosing, that in and of itself is also a choice.
It is just a choice that comes with none of the benefits of being a Hero in Our Life and Story.
Remember Generosity is greater than greed.
God Bless You!
✌🏾